Happiness...

Happiness is a state of mind. We are either happy here and now with what we have or we are never happy. I have been saying this a lot lately because I have seen true happiness lately. Not because my situation is any better than it was, say six months ago, nor because I found any special talisman for happiness. It’s simply a matter of how one directs one’s thoughts daily. As they say your situation is 10 % of what happens to you and 90 % of how you react to it. So simply put, to change anything in life, one’s just got to change one’s thinking.  

We cannot change how the world works nor can we change how people behave or are in general. The only thing we can change is us and how we deal with the world the way it is or people the way they are. Besides trying to change anyone against their will is wasting our time and energy. No one changes because we want them to. People only change when THEY want to change. And that’s good too. Because the change brought about by self-awareness is long-lasting rather than the change brought about by force.  Besides how a person is or isn’t is not our concern. We are usually unhappy not because of what lacks in us but because of what we expect from others.  The funny part about expectation also is that when you expect you usually do not get what is expected but stop expecting and you get more than what you would normally expect.

Being happy thus is a process and those who have stayed perpetually unhappy need to go through the process one by one.

1.      First and foremost know that there is no single person on the surface of this earth who has not had their struggles in life or gone through their own disappointments, heartaches, insecurities and sorrows.  The happiest of souls have had gone through the toughest of times.  Knowing and acknowledging this fact will in itself move you out of your unhappy zone to a large extent.

2.       The next thing to do is appreciate what you got. We are all blessed with so many things. Agreed our blessings may not be the same as someone else’s but then that someone doesn’t have what we do. Therefore, instead of looking at what others have and then feeling envious and unhappy, look at what you got and say a thank you for the blessing.  You will see that the moment you appreciate what you have you will start forgetting what you lost or do not have and that itself opens your life in getting more that brings you happiness.

3.      Control your reactions. Your day turns out bad not because certain things happen to you, but because you react in a certain way to the things that happen to you. Think of all the times when something happened. Just smiling and accepting it as a part of life and moving on helped or cribbing about it, sulking, fighting about it and crying helped? Try reacting either way on two separate days something wrong or unexpected happens with you. See for yourself which day turned out better. The one in which you took things lightly or the one in which you took things way too seriously?

4.      Cut the negative influences from your life. There are a lot of people we associate with, in our lives who have a knack of putting us down. They will load our brains with their perceptions and expectations and instead of allowing us to soar and reach the heights we are capable of, will drag us down and push us in the dark alley. No one has the right to force us to be what we are not or do not wish to be. Out of loyalty and many a times familiarity, we stick around such people but in the long run, we are damaging ourselves and our happiness.  Cut off people (and situations) from your life that influence you negatively. Happy people are usually people who surround themselves with positivity. To keep your life and thoughts positive it’s important you associate yourself with positive people as much as possible. It will never do you or them any good if you continue with negative associations. Some may say it’s selfish. So be it. All happy people are a bit selfish. Besides, there is nothing in this world that is self-less. So yes be selfish because to give your best to the world you have to be your best and for that, it’s very important to cut negativity off your life. Look at the bigger picture.

5.      Work towards your goals. Having goals in one’s life is very important and working diligently towards them is equally important. It doesn’t matter if your goal is big or small. But you got to have one and you got to work. A lot of unhappy people are those who build castles in the air and expect some miracles to make those castles a reality. Doesn’t work that way. Those who have achieved their big dreams have worked towards them consistently. They have had pitfalls, struggles, disappointments but they have not deterred from their path. Again instead of sitting and envying those that you think have what you want, why not go for it. The only thing that stops you from achieving your goals is you and no one else. You will also see that just by putting in the effort towards achieving your goals you will feel happier.

All this may sound complicated but in reality, it is not. Once you get the hang of it, it’s difficult for anyone to burst your happy bubble (no matter how much they try!). But initially, you will have to make a conscious effort. We are all conditioned to think, act and work in a certain way and while our parents may have done a fine job of raising us, they have also passed on their own fears and prejudices to us which hamper our journey to true bliss. So it can be a bit of an effort to move out of the self-pitying, unhappy mode to a perpetually happy one - coz again we have been told that one can’t be happy all the time, which again is something we can debate over.

So to sum it all up: Keep it simple. Live in the moment. Laugh when you feel like it. Give thanks. Work. Love self. Be happy!